Showing posts with label crush. Show all posts
Showing posts with label crush. Show all posts

Tuesday, 20 January 2015

Fangirling

'Fangirling' wasn't a word back when every available flat surface or my bedroom was covered in posters (yes, even the ceiling - until a particularly large one fell down on me in the middle of the night, then it was only every available flat vertical surface), but I think that fits the definition. The primary objects of my teenage desires tended to be actors or musicians with any combination of shaggy hair/ sexy eyes (usually blue)/ fuzzy chin/ muscular arms/ tattoos and they remain so to this day.


Whenever I come across an actor I like (irrespective of whether I have a crush on them) I like to view their back catalogue. Thanks to the Internet, you can have an actor's complete filmography in front of you in a matter of seconds and, thanks to streaming services like Netflix, be watching something from it in under a minute. As someone who tends to remember faces but is terrible with names it's a godsend - no more "where have I seen him before?" and having to trawl through my entire video library before eventually finding the one he'd been in like I had to as a teenager. This has, unfortunately, resulted in me watching some fucking awful films. It's a good job I have a fondness for bad horror films (1) because an alarmingly high number of these films have belonged to the horror genre - it seems a lot of actors start out in horror (2). It has also mean I've happened across some really good films I might not otherwise have watched were it not for the fact the actor I like is featured in them - sometimes only very briefly (3).


I've had a crush on David Tennant since I was fifteen, when he played Campbell in Takin' Over the Asylum, although I didn't watch much of the television he did after that until he appeared in the first episode of the 2000 remake of Randall and Hopkirk (Deceased) that starred Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer. He then dropped off my radar again until five years later, when I have a very clear memory of seeing a trailer for Casanova and, wide-eyed, heart a-flutter, exclaiming "Campbell!" at the television and, quite literally, swooning. It wasn't long after this that he became the ninth actor to play The Doctor.

Doctor Who was one of my favourite television programmes as a child. When I started watching it, the Doctor was played by Tom Baker but, perhaps due to my tender age at the time, the one I remember most vividly is Sylvester McCoy - I was just ten when the series ended. It was a huge part of my childhood, forming the basis for many a lively conversation on the bus to the pool for swimming lessons (it aired the night before) and playground game. It also terrified me - I have a very clear recollection of being too scared to walk alone down our long, narrow hallway so I could go upstairs to use the loo after watching an episode of the 1987 story 'Paradise Towers', about a futuristic tower block with corridors patrolled by robotic killing machines called 'Cleaners' (4). When the BBC first announced they were making a new series, I instantly thought of that awful 1996 film that starred Paul McGann, which I'd hated because it was far too slick and polished - my Doctor Who was all about the wobbly sets, bad guys in rubber suits and bad visual effects. I was very wary. But I watched it anyway - I don't feel qualified to criticise things I haven't seen. And I thought it was fucking awesome. And then it was announced that David Tennant would be taking over as the Ninth Doctor.

David was an amazing Doctor. He was a huge fan of Doctor Who when he was growing up and it's so obvious from his performance that he thoroughly enjoyed making it. He brought such incredible energy and enthusiasm to the role and was simply a joy to watch. I was devastated when he left and I really couldn't see how that "funny-looking kid" (for that's what I called him then) Matt Smith would ever be able to fill his Converse. Some of my female friends stopped watching it. The doubts I had about Matt proved to be completely wrong. He was brilliant. Still funny-looking in my eyes but he made the role his own and I loved his Doctor to bit. One of my female friends didn't think he was funny-looking, she thought his was flippin' gorgeous. When Peter Capaldi was named as his replacement I remember her complaining that the Doctor shouldn't be played by "some old ugly bloke!" Women like her give fangirls a bad name - she doesn't watch Doctor Who any more since Matt left. Me? I was just as excited about this casting as I was about David Tennant's. Mainly because of this:


There's something about these Doctor Who fanboys that makes them excellent Doctors.


When I told my husband I'd been watching The Walking Dead he recalled how much I'd hated before. I really can't explain why I disliked it so much the first time I watched it. It completely baffles me, given just how much I love it now (5). Second time around it hooked me right from the start. It's so raw and visceral, action-packed, exciting edge-of-your-seat stuff and the characters are so well written and portrayed - you really do care about what happens to them so, when it's something bad, it's emotionally affecting too. Oh and...it isn't exactly short on eye candy (6).

Norman Reedus plays Daryl Dixon in The Walking Dead. Daryl doesn't appear in the first episode at all and Reedus is only a supporting cast member throughout the first season (7). Season One Daryl isn't particularly likable. He's stubborn, selfish, immature and quick-tempered. During Season Two he is angry, emotionally closed and isolates himself from the others. Although he shows kindness towards Carol when her daughter first disappears, he rebuffs her efforts to bring him back to the group later on and, although he demonstrates loyalty to the group, he shows he is willing to take extreme, violent measures to protect them. In Season Three he is much calmer and has reintegrated with the rest of the group, but his loyalties are tested with the unexpected return of his brother. The Season Three episode 'Home' marks a significant turning point for Daryl, and it is the events of this episode that saw him become my favourite character. It was also the point at which I realised I had a massive crush on Norman Reedus. It was that scene on the bridge that did it, and what follows immediately after - Daryl saves a Mexican family with a baby by taking out a bunch of walkers almost single-handedly (fangirling - oh my God does he look hot in that sequence!), then he stands up to his brother for the first time in his life before being forced to reveal some truly heartbreaking information about his past:

During an argument with his brother, Daryl's shirt is ripped, revealing scars on his back from the abuse he suffered (8) at the hands of their father. This also reveals a large tattoo on his right shoulder. I Googled to see whether it was real or just make-up for the character: it's real, he has several. So... referring back to the beginning of this post we have: shaggy hair - check, sexy eyes - check, fuzzy chin - check, muscular arms - check, and tattoos - check. Hence my massive crush on Norman Reedus. I am now thirty-six years old though, and my husband won't let me cover our bedroom walls with posters - spoilsport (9). So I have this on my desk instead.

It's not just me. When I mentioned this to one of my co-workers she got quite excited, started breathing heavily and said, and I quote, "Daryl... I'm in love!" It does seem that Daryl's fans are a rather, ahem, passionate bunch...


"If Daryl dies, we riot" is their catchphrase, apparently. Therefore I don't feel I can class myself as one of "Dixon's Vixens". Because I know that if/ when that happens; I will just bawl my fucking eyes out. I will probably swear at the TV. I will definitely tweet that I am bawling my fucking eyes out and swearing at the TV... lol. But I'll carry on watching next episode or next Season, as I have carried on watching Doctor Who, and enjoy watching him do other stuff.

I am a little embarrassed that I deliberately sought out the films Norman had worked on before The Walking Dead that I had already seen and only half-remembered him from. I even put myself through Pandorum (2009) again - only up until his character's death, which happens pretty early on, because by then I'd remembered just how fucking bad that film is (10). My husband instantly recognised Norman as 'Scud' from Blade II (2002). Watching that one back was funny because it quickly dawned on me that I had rather fancied him at the time... how did I seemingly forget this? And why did I not notice it before then? That's probably something I can't answer, I'm just sorry I didn't. I might have had more chance of catching him in some of the more obscure things he's done that aren't so easy to come by.

When I watch a film I've already seen I like to read the trivia and goofs sections on the IMDb. In the trivia section for Gossip (2000) it says that Norman Reedus created his artist character's artwork himself. That's interesting. I have a tendency to browse the Internet in a 'Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon' sort of way, this piece of trivia led me to Norman's IMDb profile, then to his Wikipedia page, then to his official website, then to his Twitter (obviously, I followed), which led me to his Instagram. I don't follow people on Instagram unless I like the pictures they post. I really like his. His feed is a fascinating mix of incredibly beautiful scenic shots, selfies, cat-ography, behind-the-scenes snaps from the set of the The Walking Dead, photos of his son (11), fan art and random pictures of some seriously. weird. shit. Weird shit his fans have sent to him. He seems to get sent a lot of weird shit. He's only got himself to blame: It seems Norman likes collecting souvenirs from the projects he's worked on and the places he's visited and his taste in souvenirs is... unusual. I mean, what could be more unusual than keeping a bag full of your co-star's beard clippings in your fridge (12)? Although I get the distinct impression from his social media that he is sometimes embarrassed and overwhelmed by the level of attention he receives, he is thankful and humble and there are times when he clearly revels in it and shamelessly baits his fangirls. Last year, Norman published a book of some of the fan art he's received and called it 'thanksforalltheniceness'. He sent signed copies to the fans whose artwork was featured. Sweet, right? But he was also asked in an interview "How do you fight off all the groupies?" and responded, "I try not to." Shameless fangirl baiting. He also posted this picture on his Instagram. There is no way he did not notice. There was also this. Utterly shameless fangirl baiting. I love it. And I'm happy to take the bait ;)




Footnotes:

(1) There are exceptions. Like Messengers 2: The Scarecrow (2009), which is just a terrible, terrible film.

(2) http://bloody-disgusting.com/editorials/3328512/11-famous-actors-got-start-horror/

(3) The Notorious Bettie Page (2005), Cadillac Records (2008), Pawn Shop Chronicles (2013), and Stretch (2014) all feature Norman Reedus in roles of increasing brevity, the latter consisting of a tiny cameo as "himself". I confess I only watched them because they came up when I searched for him on my streaming service (sadly, so did Messengers 2...) but it turned out there were many more reasons for me to enjoy them, and I enjoyed them all immensely.

(4) I know. But, at the time, they were fucking terrifying:




(5) I can only assume I wasn't thinking straight at the time - I was suffering with a horrible combination of post-traumatic stress and post-natal depression following the birth of my son.

(6) Don't misinterpret this statement. Though I can appreciate the visual appeal of most of the male case members, Norman Reedus is the only one who really does it for me.

(7) He has gone from being a supporting cast member to second billed in the opening credits. Now that's an exponential increase in popularity!

(8) With this shocking revelation, Daryl suddenly made sense to me. A lot of his personality traits - even the negative ones - are ones I recognise in myself. I know a lot of them come from having being abused as a child myself. Like Daryl, my abuser was someone who should have been responsible for my care (although not a relative), and it was never dealt with at the time. It's something I've never really tried to deal with since, something I hid - I suppose in a way I'm lucky that, unlike Daryl, I bear no physical scars. When I realised what was being revealed in that scene it brought it all back to me. It sounds corny, but watching Daryl start to come to terms with his past abuse has helped me start to come to terms with what happened to me. This probably explains why I feel such a strong connection to this particular character, and why I bawl like a frightened child whenever I see Daryl cry.

(9) I even offered to let him put up posters of the famous ladies he likes on his wall - and he's got more wall space that I have given mine has a fucking great window in it - and he still refused. He did buy me a poster of David Tennant as the Doctor which I hung on the door to the cupboard under the stairs though (the only reason it's not there any more is because it kept falling down - fucking Blu Tack - and got ripped) so there's hope yet.

(10) See also, Mimic (1997), although I did at least manage to make it to the end of that one and, to be fair, it was better than I had remembered. But still not great.

(11) I've never seen a picture of Norman Reedus as a child but the pictures he's shared of his son make me think that if he ever did I would probably think that he, like Adele, has actually cloned himself. Mind you, people look at my son and say it looks like I've cloned myself....

(12) I know famous people have some ridiculous stuff written about them, and you would be forgiven for thinking this is one of those things, because it's so weird, but it's trueI'm sitting here writing that that's weird but I also have a bag of someone else's hair - the clippings from my son's first haircut. I know a lot of parents keep a lock of their child's hair from their first haircut but not all of the hair like I have. And definitely not in a bag. I don't keep it in the fridge though....

Wednesday, 14 January 2015

Feminist Frustrations: How am I meant to feel when a gorgeous guy makes a gaffe at the Golden Globes?

I know I'm probably rather late to the party on this one but it's bothering me so I feel the need to blog about it.

At the Golden Globe Awards on Sunday, the presenters of the award for Best Actor in A Drama Series were Jennifer Lopez and Jeremy Renner. Now, I have to confess I have a wee crush on the latter. It's significant.

Now, I know that there's a script they have to follow and everything but it seems there's a moment of their pre-envelope opening spiel that wasn't on the autocue and it's gotten Mr Renner into a bit of hot water. And I'm not sure he deserves it.

Remember a few months back when that 'catcall' video was doing the rounds? If you didn't see it, here it is:


I've experienced this, and it's creepy. When I'm just walking around, just going about my day, just dressed in jeans and a t-shirt - nothing that tight, nothing that low cut, nothing that noteworthy, it fucking creeps me out when men comment at me. I say "at" because that's what it is - they're not saying it to you. It's a comment about your ass or your boobs as you walk past them. Even a "hey" or "hello" is a bit creepy when it's not said to your face but your rear as you pass by. Especially when it's accompanied by a "baby" or a "girl" - I'm thirty-six for fucks sake. I've HAD a baby and I haven't been a girl for a looong time. When you're getting comments like this all the fucking time it becomes harassment - it's not a compliment, we don't feel better for you saying it, it's NOT OK.

But what if I'm walking around in a dress with a low-cut neckline that shows off my boobs? What if I'm out at night, just walking to the bar or club? STILL NOT OK. What if I pass by you in a bar or club? STILL NOT OK. If you come up to me and say to my face what you find attractive about me? That's OK. Because you're telling me. You're not announcing it to everyone within earshot, you're not calling after me, you've told me, to my face, that you find me attractive. And I'm going to like that.


So I'm Jennifer Lopez. I'm wearing a dress that's so low cut you could see my c-section scar if it were any lower. And my boobs look fucking awesome. I'm a confident woman and I know I look good in this. I'm proud of my body. I know men find me attractive. I don't mind showing that off.

In case you haven't seen the clip, let me describe what happens next: Jennifer and Jeremy take to the stage and start to read the script from the autocue and list the nominees. She offers to open the envelope because she's "got the nails". Jeremy can't stop himself staring at her impressive cleavage and quips "you've got the globes too." And apparently, it was at this point that Twitter did a collective "ooh, NOOOOO! That's NOT OK!" and proceeded to say stuff like "and the award for Best Supporting Creep goes to Jeremy Renner" and call him a sexist misogynist pig and suchlike.

Now, I'm sure some women who think they're better feminists than me will tell me I'm wrong here but, if I'm wearing a dress that shows off that much of my body, I kinda want people to tell me I look good! If I was just walking down the street, minding my business then, yes, a comment like that would be creepy but I've chosen to wear this on a global stage. I'm not sure it's right to expect nobody to comment on it, and I'd sure as hell prefer to hear positive comments rather than negative ones. The man standing next to me might not have intended to say it out loud - I definitely get that impression. I've watched this clip a few times now and there's a hint of a rabbit caught in the headlights about his expression to camera immediately afterwards. It's a "Shit! Did I just say that out loud?!" sort of face - but he did, and I laugh. I laughed when I saw this clip. I was thinking the exact same thing...



What we have to remember is that this happened at the Golden Globe Awards. I'd bet that every year since their inception there's been a boob-related quip about some actresses choice of dress in relation to how revealing it is. Perhaps this explains why I'm not so bothered by Jeremy's comment as the rest of Twitter seems to be - have I been desensitised? Do I expect it? Usually such comments are seen in the press the following day, I'm not sure anyone has ever said it at the actual ceremony before.

I have to accept that my opinion of this has perhaps been coloured by my opinion of the man who made the comment. I have a crush on him. Though I can't honestly say that's automatically going to make me more forgiving - after all, I call out my husband for making inappropriate comments! I do have to admit, however, that there's a part of me that wishes this man was standing next to me, telling me my boobs look good (aside: what bra is she wearing, I need one of those!) so I know I'm not being totally impartial here. But then I might as well say I can't be impartial because I'm a woman. But then I'd also say no man could be impartial because he's a man...

A lot of people who've already commented on this have mentioned 'the objectification of women'. I know this is part of a much bigger picture. I know that if it's seen as OK to pass comments like this about women wearing dresses like that it eventually results in a situation where men feel free to pass comments about women regardless of what they are wearing. It results in situations like that depicted in the video above. But the key difference here is that the comment was kind of said to the woman in question. And she appears to have appreciated it. If that's the case, they why the fuck is anyone else getting so upset about it? Even between us women we don't seem to be able to decide where the line is, what is and isn't acceptable for men to say, or under what circumstances. I've already explained what I think isn't OK. This is OK by me. Even if it wasn't, I certainly wouldn't approve of the vilification Jeremy Renner has since been subjected to by the Twitterati. Say you don't think it was OK. Say why you don't think it was OK. But don't be abusive - that's not OK.

There's even more to this, I've found. It seems he's recently split up with his wife and the divorce papers she's filed... basically the rumour is that he's in the closet. I really couldn't give a shit and I'm not going to post any links to any articles about this because a) I don't have any, b) I don't want to search for any because c) I believe I've already said I couldn't give a shit? It has no relevance. It's gossip. I will still have a crush on him. Besides, I know a number of gay men who love boobs. When my gay male friends have told me I look good I've felt every bit as complimented as when straight men I had a crush on did. We can't deny it's feels really good when we hear a compliment. Especially when its about a part of ourselves we've chosen to flaunt. If you flaunt yourself and people say nasty things about you, or to you, that's disheartening. Even confident, strong people will get disheartened if they hear bad things about the few things they like about themselves.

Jeremy hit back at his critics by saying they should "lighten up". And I agree. I think his comment came from an innocent place, it wasn't meant with malice. He wouldn't have said this to a woman walking down the street in a t-shirt... at least I hope not. If he thinks that's OK then I'd gladly... let someone else explain why it's not. I'd try but I'd seriously struggle. I have a crush on the guy, remember! I suppose that a lot of men who do make such comments would say then don't mean it maliciously either, but then... why not say them to us? Why at us as we walk past you? Whilst I would admittedly be a little shocked if a random man came up to me on the street and said "excuse me, but I just had to tell you I think you're beautiful/ have a really nice ass/ have fantastic boobs" I'd appreciate it a whole lot more than him yelling "nice tits, love" as I walk past.

So... if I ever become famous, and I get to present a Golden Globe award with Jeremy Renner, I hope he tells me I've got the globes too.