But I digress. Here are some things that Britain is famous for, that we should all be proud of:
1. The English Language. It's wonderful. It's the official language of over sixty countries worldwide and it's the third most common language in the world after Mandarin and Spanish. English originated in in the fifth century, brought here by Anglo-Saxon settlers (before they arrived, we spoke Latin and Celtic languages). English is classed as a Germanic language and has several features in common with Dutch, German and Swedish, for example. Over the course of its development, English has also taken influence from Old Norse and Norman French. Many of our words come from Greek or Latin, others through our colonisation of other countries. Some 'foreign' English words are:
Bungalow is a Hindi or Bengali word meaning "belonging to Bengal". It was first recorded in the 1600s, when single-storey houses were built for early European settlers in Bengal.
Zombie (if you've read this blog before you know i love these guys) originated in West Africa. It reached our language via the slave trade.
Parka. If you spot a fascist wearing one, remind them it's a Russian word.
Shampoo. Maybe the reason so many racists shave their heads is because they object to using something with a name derived from Hindi?
2. Tea. Not only is the most British of drinks not really British, neither is the word 'tea'. It's Chinese.
3. Fish and Chips. It's probably one of the most well-known dishes in English cuisine. And yes, the meal of deep friend battered fish and chipped potatoes (surely everyone knows the humble spud came to our shores from the Americas?) did originate here, but it was Jewish refugees from Spain and Portugal who first introduced us to deep-fried fish. The first chippy was opened by a Jewish immigrant from Eastern Europe.
4. Saint George. His distinctive flag is waved by racists when they toddle off on one of their marches and by normal people during sporting events and on St. George's Day. England's Patron Saint is believed to have been born in Syria. It's not clear whether he came to England as a refugee, illegal immigrant or an economic migrant but he slayed a dragon for us. A DRAGON.
5. The Pub. We've had pubs in England longer than we've had English - they arrived with the Romans, who built them along the road network so that weary travellers could rest and enjoy a refreshing drink.
So yes, there is much for us to be proud of; our magnificent muddled language, our Chinese drink, our Jewish deep-fried delicacy, our Syrian saint and our ancient Roman alehouses. There seems to be a common fear amongst the pages my friends pull the memes from that this is under threat from people of other cultures and faiths 'invading' Britain. The Romans invaded Britain and gave us proper roads and pubs. We invaded India and brought back polo and pyjamas. Refugees who came here gave us our favourite fish and chips. Our Patron Saint was Syrian. Our culture, our language is what it is because it has borrowed so much from others. It has changed, grown and been enriched. We add new words and phrases to the dictionary when they become widespread. Our fashion, music, cuisine all take influence from other cultures. Sometimes its only temporary, e.g. harem pants, berets or Nehru collars, sometimes more permanent. It's widely believed that Tikka Masala originated in Britian, Tikka being an Indian dish and the Masala sauce added to appease the British taste for meat in gravy. It certainly wasn't created by someone descended from the Celts, however. An Indian or Bangladeshi immigrant adapted the dish to our liking. Or, if you're a bit racist, they forced their culture on us. Those nasty immigrants, making food the way we like it.
I do wonder whether they consider the origins of the meal they sit enjoying down the pub on St. George's Day. I do wonder whether they realise that the vast majority of the foods sold by the 'foreign' supermarkets (e.g. Aldi, Lidl) are made in the UK, in the same factories as the foods sold by the other supermarkets, which they're happy to shop in. On the evidence I've seen, they clearly don't. I shop at Aldi. Every product is labelled in English (sometimes also in other languages because the factories also export these foods abroad, or to antagonise racists I'm not sure which) and most state the country of origin, just like they do in every other supermarket. The onions, potatoes, mushrooms, carrots, kale and cabbage I bought there last week were all grown in Britain and packaged in bright Union Flag covered plastic bags. I can't buy this much British produce at my local market! Aldi has recently been criticised for a labelling error that meant some of its luxury yogurts may have contained hazelnut yogurt instead of the flavour stated on the label. Obviously this is bad because some people are allergic to hazelnuts (I'm allergic to racist nuts myself) but the yogurts in question are made on the same farm that produces the same yogurts, in identical flavours, under another brand that is sold throughout Ireland. The farm is in Ireland. It's called Killowen Farm, and their products have won several awards. The Irish seem to make really great yogurt; Aldi used to have their posh ones made by the same people who currently make the posh ones for Tesco and Lidl.
I'm not really sure what the "English patriots" make of Ireland. Given the number of people who stagger around England's towns and cities on St. Patrick's Day, wrapped in their flag, wearing shamrock deely-boppers, sozzled on stout and Irish whiskey, it would seem there is some affection for it. So why the hatred of Aldi over the yogurt incident? Is it because Aldi originated in Germany? Ironically, so did Nazis. Recently, someone took some of Hitler's statements and Nazi propaganda, replaced the word 'Jew' with 'migrant' and posted them under Daily Mail articles about the refugee crisis. You could also replace it with 'Muslim', if you want to recreate the sort of bollocks that gets posted on the likes of Britian First or the EDL's Facebook pages, although with considerably less eloquence. These disguised Nazi sentiments were upvoted. Approved. Agreed with. If you can bear to trawl this bottom section of the Internet, you'll see "proud patriots" calling for the boycott of Muslim businesses, the sterilisation of migrants, the execution of anyone who does not hold their idea of "British values". Nazis boycotted Jewish businesses, they sterilised the mentally ill, alcoholic, disabled and those of mixed parentage. They segregated them, took away all their rights and then shipped them off to death camps where they were either gassed or tortured and experimented on. What they did was abhorrent. It was inhuman. Yet here and now there are people posting messages of Facbook calling for the same action to be taken towards Mulsims and migrants and thousands of others agree, baying for their blood in illiterate streams of vitriolic bigotry.
But that's not what my friends share. I know that most of them (I wish it was all, and it's only because I believe it's possible to reverse the brainwashing they've undergone that I haven't 'unfriended' them yet) never would, and would find such views just as abhorrent as I do. They share something apparently innocent; a meme supporting animal welfare, or one supporting veterans. Some may even share one that they feel demonstrates the pride they have in this fabulous little country of ours. How many take a look at the other posts shared by the author of the meme before they share it? It seems like none of them do. Perhaps it's because these groups are too clever to call themselves anything as blatant as 'Neo-Nazis of England' or 'We Fucking Hate Immigrants' or 'Ignorant Arseholes Who Believe Everything The Daily Mail Prints Without Question'. Perhaps if it were that obvious, my friends would think twice before clicking 'like' or 'share'. No, these groups call themselves things like 'Our Britain', 'English and Proud', 'Patriots Global Alliance' and, of course, 'Britain First'. It doesn't take more than a few seconds of actually looking at those pages (and they are all genuine Facebook pages) to see they mainly consist of hate-filled, poorly spelled, punctuated and grammatically incorrect idiotic ranting. It's funny how often hate and illiteracy go hand in hand, given these people claim to be patriots, not racists, you would think they would at least learn how to communicate in English properly.
I'm not the only person to have noticed this. Another genuine Facebook page goes by the name of 'Spell Check A Racist'. Its users (often using secondary accounts to avoid clogging their friends' news feeds with racist vitriol) reply to such comments by correcting their mistakes. Sometimes they receive an equally illiterate, insulting response, usually along the lines of "fuk of grammer Nazi", which the dear spell checker will usually respond to by posting "I think you mean 'Fuck off, grammar Nazi', but keep trying :)" I love it. It's absolutely hilarious. Hilarious that the "not-racist-buts" liken people like me to Nazis when they're the ones calling for the slaughter of people solely on the basis of their faith or country of origin.
So, dear friends, if you are one of those people who idly shares things without first considering the source, I hope that from now on you will. Unless you don't mind that people will think you are one of those not racist buttholes. Or you are one of those buttholes. Sometimes it is really difficult to tell! I know that those friends of mine who unwittingly shared things posted by these horrible pages won't be offended by this. When it was pointed out to you, you were mortified, you took the posts down, you apologised. If this has offended you, why? Is it because you feel I'm insulting your intelligence? Every single one of the people who shared Britain First's anti-animal cruelty memes is intelligent. The reason these pages post such things amongst the bile is so that people will unwittingly share their page. You, and thousands of others, we're suckered by it. It's OK. Just be more discerning about where you share stuff from in future. Read the first few posts of a page before you share something. If that meme supporting The Poppy Appeal didn't come from The Royal British Legion or Help For Heroes, don't share it! Search out their pages and share something from there instead.
I know that some of my friends are scared. With the media reporting every act of terrorism, every deplorable act carried out by ISIS, that's sort of understandable. But I always remember what Yoda said: "Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering." The people who comment on these pages are angry and hateful, and I don't want to see you end up like them. What are you so afraid of? Are you afraid of the same things they are angry about, the same things they hate?
Are you frightened that immigrants will be a drain on the welfare system? Then you might like to know that immigrants have contributed twenty billion pounds to the British economy over the past ten years, and that they're far less likely to claim benefits or social housing than people born here. Mainly because they simply don't qualify! You have to have permanent residency in the UK to milk the benefits system, so anyone here on a work or student visa, or anyone claiming asylum can't claim a penny. Over 90% of public housing goes to Britons. Those seeking asylum here don't get handed a house and a suitcase full of cash as soon as they arrive, they are photographed, fingerprinted, security checked and issued with ID. They are required to report to an immigration centre on a regular basis. They may be allocated housing, usually of such poor quality that nobody here wants to rent it. They are given roughly half what a claimant for Jobseeker's Allowance receives to live on each week. If their application is unsuccessful, as in up to 75% of cases, they get nothing. Those whose applications fail are detained. Many are held in the same high-security 'removal centres' whilst their applications are processed. Those who fail, who are too scared to return home are locked up idenfinitely, despite not having committed any crime.
Are you worried that we can't cope with the numbers? OK, so you were wrong about them being leeches, but surely the system can only support so many of them, right? There are roughly 185,000 refugees in Europe, some 3000-5000 in Calais. Last year, Britain granted refugee status (i.e. approved the asylum applications) to just over 14,000 people. Fewer than Switzerland, Holland, France, Italy, Sweden and Germany. Britain's migrant population is around 9%, though migrants make up around 16% of the workforce. Refugees account for less than 0.5% of the population. We aren't "full" a theree are fifty-two countries with a higher population density than us, and we've only built on just over 2% of our available landscape.
Are you scared they might really be terrorists? Do you really think that terrorists would take the same risky journey as the refugees? Much easier to give them false documents and fly them over, or recruit people already living here. Is it because they've got mobile phones? Rich people flee war zones too. Brown-skinned person plus mobile phone doesn't equal terrorist any more than brown-skinned person wearing rucksack. Or maybe you believe all brown-skinned people are terrorists? I fucking hope not. Some of our mutual friends have brown skin. Maybe you're more discerning than that, maybe you can tell the difference between those who are terrorists and those who aren't? Great! Give MI5 a call, I'm sure they would welcome someone with your talents. Maybe you think it's only those who are Muslims that we should worry about (although I'd have to point out that even Britain First know Muslims come in lots of different colours).
Britain First and the other hate-mongers claim they aren't racist, they're just concerned about the "Islamification" of Britain. They don't seem to like mosques being built here, although one did concede he wouldn't mind one being built "here" (wherever it was they were protesting) as long as "we" could go and build one in Mecca. Maybe he meant church? But then the Muslims were wanting to build a mosque in Bradford or Stoke or somewhere, not in the middle of the fucking Vatican City. You can bang that "Britain is a Christian country" bollocks all you like but it isn't a holy city, so anyone can build whatever they like as long as they've got planning permission. At the start of the "We Want Our Country Back" documentary on BBC Three last night, a Britain First spokesperson declared "Britain has always been a Christian country, for over a thousand years this has been a Christian country". The poor fellow is clearly confused by either the history or Britain in general, or the history of Christianity. Britain hasn't "always been" a Christian country. We don't know much about what we did before the Romans arrived. They introduced us to Christianity roughly 1400 years ago. When the Anglo-Saxons came, bringing with them the beginnings of our beautiful language, we all went back to being Pagans for a couple of centuries. Today, we're a 'non-religious' country - if you want to go with the majority, in a 2015 survey, 49% of people described themselves as having 'no religion' compared to 42% as 'Christian'. Even if you refer to the 2011 census results, in which 59.5% of the population identified as Christian, 65% of the population said they were not religious. Only 12% of Britons actually bother going to church every week, with more than half saying they never go (other than for special occasions) so, sorry, I'm not convinced. In the 2011 census, just 4.4% of the population declared themselves Muslim. Aaron! They're taking over! 4.4%!! We're overwhelmed!
I suspect much of the Islamophobia that comes from Britain First etc stems from a lack of understanding of Islam. Unless you make the effort to learn about something you know nothing about, it's very easy to believe the first thing you see. Even if that's a lie. Especially when that lie is published in your national press. Some of my favourite myths about Islam are as follows:
Burqas. Although 'burka' is an accepted transliteration of the Arabic word, the former wins you a lot more points in Scrabble. The Quar'an does contain passages which some believe say men and women should dress modestly. Many Muslims believe in this tradition. So do many Jews. But it is a tradition, not a requirement. Many Jews don't adhere to dressing modestly, neither do many Muslims. Whilst wearing a veil is a legal requirement in Iran and Saudi Arabia, it's outlawed in more Muslim countries than it is required. France famously banned the burqa, which affected a whopping 367 women. The Muslim population in France is about 3 million. Burqas wearers therefore accounted for just over 0.01% of them. I don't like burqas, or face veils, or any form of modest dressing that's related to the subjugation of women. Why should women have to hide? Why can't men learn to control themselves? But I'd rather women come to that conclusion by themselves and choose not to wear it than ban it. Very, very few Muslim women wear burqas or face veils anyway, so the fuss being made over them seems a bit like a storm in a teacup to me. Especially when the whole thing has bog all to to with Islam.
Bloodthirstiness. Muslims were portrayed as violent and barbaric centuries before 9/11. Islam spread much faster than Christianity and Hinduism and many people assumed this was because they conquered everyone they came across and forced them to convert. But actually, Islam forbids the killing of women, children and innocents along with other acts that those into the conquering game generally partake of, like burning orchards and knocking down wells. It was Christian crusaders that did all the beheading and whatnot, the Muslims were rather more passive and seem to have conquered peoples by simply being nice to them. If anyone fancies a game of 'whose holy book is the evillest?' I'll wager theirs is no worse than the Bible. The Quar'an does not justify acts of terrorism in any way, shape or form, unless you're reading from the complete and utter bellend's version, i.e. cherry picking and taking things out of context. If I do this, I can quote the deputy leader of Britain First as saying, "We're fascists, we're bigots, we're racists." This partial quote serves my argument perfectly, but I'm happy to admit that's only part of what she actually said. It's a pity they don't extend us the same courtesy when they quote, well, anyone or anything.
Intolerance. Nope. The Quar'an clearly states that Muslims are not the only ones who worship God, yes, The God, the same one worshipped by Jews and Christians. It also states that they must protect churches, monasteries and synagogues as well as mosques. Indeed, following a terrorist attack in Alexandria in 2011, Egyptian Muslims guarded churches whilst Christians prayed. The Christians, in turn, guarded the mosques. The message of Islam is overall one of hope, faith and peace. Britain First (let's just call them Biffers from now on) describe themselves as a Christian organisation clearly haven't paid attention to those passages in the Bible that instruct Christians to be tolerant and loving of others, especially those who are "strangers", i.e. immigrants. I hate to resort to cliché, but practising what you preach really does help to get your message across; preaching tolerance whilst practising hate just doesn't work.
Halal. Religious slaughter, whether under Islamic or Jewish ruled, involves killing an animal instantly by slicing it's throat, windpipe and the blood vessels in its neck with a sharp instrument. Although British legislation requires that animals are pre-stunned before slaughter, these methods are exempt. However most halal meat comes from animals that have been pre-stunned. This is permitted under Islamic rules, whereas Jewish rules prohibit it. Yet the vitriol spewed by the Biffers is overwhelmingly biased towards Muslims. There is no legal requirement for halal meat to be labelled as such, and it's likely that Britons have been eating it for years without knowing. What confuses me is that nobody gave a fuck about this - until they suddenly found out they had been eating It. Do those people who called for a boycott of Pizza Express after it was revealed they used halal chicken think that animals slaughtered in regular abattoirs are put gently to sleep after completing their bucket lists? The jury appears to be out on which method is the most painful and, to me, this is largely irrelevant because there's no 'humane' way to slaughter anything. It's part of the price if you want to eat meat, and I accept that. I'd rather the focus be on animals being reared humanely than quibble over which is the more painful of having a bolt through your head or your throat slashed with a knife. And halal doesn't fund terrorism. Don't be so fucking ridiculous.
A lot of racists say they aren't racists because they direct their hatred solely towards Islam. Whilst they openly admit their Islamophobia, they claim they can't be racist, Islam being a religion, not a race. Jewish people are considered (under British law, if not elsewhere) to belong to a race because they have a shared culture and history that goes beyond their religion. Muslims throughout the world share history and culture that is unconnected to Islam. So Muslims are a race in the same way as Jews. Biffers often argue that they're not racist, pointing out that people of different races, including white people(!) follow Islam. Britain's Muslims, however, are predominantly brown-skinned, of Asian and Arab origin. So yes, they are racist. Are you? Or are you my friend? Please consider your source before you share.
Note: this post may contain typographical errors because I've typed it on a tablet and i haven't yet figured out how to spell check in this app. If you spot any, please point them out to me so I can correct them. Unlike Biffers, I welcome any input to correct or improve my writing.
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